8 posts tagged “poetry”
***(This is about how it feels for me to come home).***
A weary war of words proceeds to march down my spine
I feel worn out
My footsteps drag up each solid...concrete...frigid step
A pebble jumps in front of my foot and squeaks in indignation as I kick it away, robotically indifferent
My eyes blur, pleading with me for rest
For sleep
For closure
Literally.
My brass key scrapes in rebellion, coaxing the door unlocked in its own way, against my consciousness
A sigh of renewal
A breath of familiar tones
An "I'm so happy to see you!" hug of burgundy splayed across bright, dull white
An eager exclamation of comfort, autumn caught in a 6x8 rug
Soft subtle scents of vanilla seeping in, around, under my skin
I impatiently peel throbbing feet from well-worn shoes
Sprawl into the welcoming arms of 6 feet of cushions
And sleep.
I am home.
A Piece Unfolded
Worn out memories tumble endlessly
Over and over and over and over…
A cage of steel screeches out infernal heat
with piercing cry of jagged fingernails
scraping across a newly-painted
baby blue Mercedes.
Flickering lights entice the mind
to traipse across reality and
indulge in maniacal insanity,
as silver does not fill the famished soul
of grabbing ghoul.
And foggy glass half-way hides
peeping parts of human lives
that stretch out but don’t quite reach
far enough to tap out their plea
for freedom
A night of gray, not dark, not light, but
in between, passes while sun-scorched hands
shift and sift and fold and pull and part
and toss each tattered skin.
And so the cycle ends again, and yet
continues as each day sheds
another and another and another
only to be gathered without thought
or care
to return…
to the Laundromat.
Joel and I had a BLAST last night!! I couldn't stop smiling while Kara and Patrick got married. It hit me again how interesting a wedding ceremony really is...think about it for a moment.
Two people are standing there, two people who love each other and are ready to jump into that crazy place we call "marriage." Don't try to deny it. You know it's a crazy place. ;) So, picture it...they're standing there, not married yet. Then, bada bing, bada boom, "Do you...?" "Do you..." "yes, yes, yes" and, Ta Da!! You're married! Isn't that interesting? Just a few words, promises...and there you go. You've just been bound together for forever (optimistically speaking). It always hits me as such a strange thing. Don't get me wrong, I'm super excited to marry my own love, but I still find it somewhat strange. In a world where everything seems to be moving more and more towards tangibility, a few words, gushed out enthusiastically in front of friends and family seem to be so insubstantial, in theory.
And, yet....
There was a feeling. A knowledge that God was watching, smiling, accepting these two people into this union because of, yes, the simple words they stated to each other, with their hearts firmly wrapped through every syllable and intonation of each of those words. Yes, God was there. He watched their love take on the incredible challenge of that most crazy, but amazing, level of life called "marriage." Now I know you can't deny that. God was there, and He bound them together, giving credit to their simple vows of love and fidelity. But aren't the most awesome works in all this world usually simple, indeed? A child's laugh, a lover's touch, a shooting star...you know what I mean.
And the reception was SO much fun! :) You gotta have fun! The band was Bayou Roux and, let me just say, they were AWESOME!!! They played a variety of music, all of it good, were very personable and fun, played the crowd well, even let the bride and some other folks participate, including Kara's brother who is a drummer in his own band. It was so much fun!! If I had the money, I would book them today for my own wedding. :/ Alas, I don't have the money, of which they are worth every penny! Joel and I danced the night away and it was absolutely marvelous! He's a very good leader and we just had a great rhythm together. I'm a little sore today, but not as bad as I thought I would be, considering how much and how hard we danced! Oh, it was marvelous! :D
Joel and I came back to CS and took a drive out to the country like we used to when he was living here. That was really nice. I love doing that. Out in the country, the sky is so clear, everything is so quiet and peaceful, the stars are so bright...we just sat and talked for a while, sharing our thoughts on lots of different things. It was very nice to spend that time with an old friend.
Well, in tribute to love and marriage and all the faith, effort and joy found in them, I will leave y'all with another poem. I wrote this many years ago and it's very different than my usual poems. I wasn't chasin' any demons with this one. :P In fact, I didn't really like it because it was, and remains, one of the "sappiest" poems I ever wrote. But, then, who said love is anything, but? :P Take care and God bless! ~Nefilinda
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A Heartbeat
I turn to you
Your face is uplifted, eyes closed
As though you are praising
The scorching wheel of Apollo’s chariot.
Our fingers are intertwined
Like vines that wrap around each other
In tightly curled matrimony.
Will you always be by my side?
As my Orpheus,
And I, your Eurydice…
If Death snatched my soul,
Would you traverse the darkest hell
And enchant immovable hearts
To lead me back to the wonder of your love?
A twist of myth…
I would not be left behind,
Honey-voiced lover,
But would follow you
Until our eternities melted together
And became One
Then moved together to form forever.
My love, my fate, my destiny
Who, without, I could not be.
Oh, whisper words that move like stars
And I will catch each one
In my heart’s net.
You, my completion,
And I,
Your everlasting companion.
***So, I think there's a common theme in a lot of my writings...but, hey, what can I say? I write to release the demons inside. So it stands to reason that what I produce would have a common theme. Either way, here's another I wrote a few years ago.***
Lonely Depths
A whispered roar of waves
Crashed against her seashell ears;
A memory adrift inside her mind
Tossed and tumbled by her past.
No means to purge her stormy thoughts-
She came to scorching sands
And scalding waters
To cleanse her soul;
Scorn, guilt washed over her instead.
“LIFEGUARD OFF DUTY’
No one to save her now…
Rolling white crests taunted and teased,
“Come and play,
Be reborn in an ocean of foam”
Her silent step ignored her screaming heart,
Ocean hands grabbed her ankles,
Massaged her unwilling legs;
“Close your eyes
Forget about despair”
Haunting siren song lured her
From further off, beyond her reach.
She released her torment
And whispered surrender
To roaring
silent
waves.
Forks
The turmoil of indecision screams within
my bleeding mind
Her banshee cry berates my ambivalence
between feeling and logic
I twist and struggle among leeches that
suck sanity from my soul
And the bitter scent of defeat wafts up
to my face
Stretching gaunt, rotting fingers that
grasp bits of brain and memories
I cannot think, and I inhale the putrid
smell of unanswered prayers
I cannot see the path I should traverse
The troll-strewn walk of ghouls and time
Forks in three:
Grime and naught fade off my
left
Song and thought float at my
right
And straight ahead of my straining
eyes, as my heavy head lifts
Slowly…
The road to bliss, my heart’s desire:
Simple certainty.
I don't often write poetry on the topic of....*whisper* love.
But as I reflected on the cynicism I wielded as a shield towards all of those "other" people, and compared/contrasted what I was now experiencing myself with Fernando, these words tumbled from inside of me onto paper (12/30/07). He doesn't know I wrote this about him. ;)
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sizzling electricity
simmering with hope
rushes of desire
-one glance-
(is it real?)
cataclysmic intrigue
persuasive with promise
floods of pleasure
-one word-
(is it real?)
melodious excitement
enticing with eternity
currents of ecstasy
-one touch-
(is it real?)
scattered images
f l o a t i n g
with me
up here…………………………………………………on cloud nine
(it can’t be real.)
but then…
crashing DOWN
to Reality
I see him completely
unveiled
real
imperfect
And then, enlightened, emboldened, clear-sighted by truth, I
F
A
L
L
in love.
(this is real.)
I found out this morning that a woman I know left her home in the middle of the night with her three young children to begin her long journey to freedom from an abusive man. She and her children are safe for now, for which I am grateful. I don't understand it. I never have. And it tears me up inside. I can't write more right now...it's too raw.
I wrote this almost three years ago. Finding this out today made me think of what I wrote. The only question, one which I feel will always remain, is...why?
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July 31, 2005
Chains
When it all came down to the end of the road
I didn't know where I was going.
My steps were steady, my head held high
But my eyes betrayed me:
I was confused and from my confusion came
Pain
Doubt
Fear
Little embers, remnants of days past
But fully ignited by your watchful care
---Not so watchful after all---
Not too presumptuous to confess the truth:
(At least in my mind it is)
Your control only stretched so far,
Never quite possessing the part of me that grew to
Hate you
Despise you
Murder you
In that one small part of me;
Miniscule, really, against the giant passion I held for you
(Still hold for you).
But power comes from unbidden sources
And mine replenishes every day.
Amidst the agony of fluctuations
The power and control revert to me.
For how can a memory---intangible, insubstantial, cancerous---yield power?
IMPOSSIBLE!
And you are, for me, just a memory now.
Strike One.
At least I tell myself you are-
And words are more powerful than thought.
With your words you tore me apart because they
Slashed
and
Maimed
and
Ripped open the wounds
I had so carefully nursed and hidden for so long.
Words.
Yours mean nothing to me now.
Empty words are like faded memories.
Strike Two.
Yet actions speak louder than words.
If your words tore at me,
Your deeds KILLED MY SOUL!
Your lying lips caressed me with the devil's own searing heat.
You promised heaven and sent me to hell.
But I have escaped.
Strike Three, You're Out
Of my life,
My mind,
My heart.
As it all comes down to the end of the road,
I don't know where I'm going.
But I do know what I'm leaving behind:
and I'm never looking back.
The explanation:
Yeah, I know it's intense and stuff. Eh, well, everyone's gotta have some kind of outlet. It amazes me how much people abuse each other and never realize the damage they can do. It takes a strong and amazingly special person to break the cycle of abuse. Above all, it takes God. Not that those who get trapped in it can really be blamed for the horror that they endure. I mean, there always comes a point where you can choose what you do with your experiences. Some feel so trapped that they don't even realize they have that choice. Sigh...it's sad, really. It breaks my heart. I wish I could take the hurt of everyone who has had to go through any of it and just absorb it so that they wouldn't hurt anymore. Sometimes I wish I could just grab those chains of destruction and break them, even though doing so would rip my own hands open. But those chains can't usually be broken by an outsider, though their support and encouragement help those in the chains to break them. But only those on the inside understand what binds someone in that cycle. Only another insider can really understand. But I send my thanks to all of those, insiders and outsiders, who have stood by and grabbed a link in that awful chain and held on with all their might, doing everything they can to help break it. You are God's angels on earth. And you'll never know how much you help.
P.S. It's not a love poem...it's not about a broken heart. It's about empowerment. It's about breaking the cycle; not just taking off the shackles, but really BREAKING the chains. It's about recognizing that you have a choice and then making the right one. It's not about someone else. It's about me.
We all know this feeling. The "I'm actually going to put myself OUT there" feeling. So, I'm taking the plunge. I would like some feedback. But I'll be honest enough to request no BRUTAL honesty. :P Honesty, yes, but, really, "constructive criticism" or anything else would be great. Writing is therapeutic for me, but I've never been one to consider myself a star in anything. Anyway, I'm starting to ramble. hehehe
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Child’s Play
It’s just a game
A child’s game, really
Feather boa---bright pink
Over-sized shades sliiiiiiiiiding off the nose
Throw in a 10-gallon straw hat
Maybe a mu mu, just for good measure
Oh, and don’t forget the high heels that flop and slap with every step
A child’s game: Dress up
Let’s pretend, for just one moment
Let’s play, escape for a while
For what is reality, but our perspective?
The view from inside
my head
is real
to me
It’s just a game,
A desperate game, really
Hide the darkness crashing loudly against the shores of absolute reality
Mask the evil thoughts that claw at sanity
Over-sized smile, brighter than Christmas morning
Throw in cheerful chatter, just for good measure
Maybe some witty humor
Oh, and don’t forget the peaceful calm
A desperate game: Dress up.
Let’s pretend, for just one moment...
The question remains:
When the games are over
When the masks crumble
When “pretend” disintegrates into pathetic pieces of truth…
which is actually truth?
What’s behind the mask is real.
But the mask is real, too…
Is it a mask?
That question remains
Always
Let’s play.